I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
