does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
