How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
