Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
