Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
