Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
pray to the hookup gods
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
