I just saw a hot homeless man
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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