Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
