Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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