But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
