hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
