I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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