If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Someone shit on the floor
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
