gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
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