i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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