i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
