My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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