she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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