you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
