Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You are a genius and a whore.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
