When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
