it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
