I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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