Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
