oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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