when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize