genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
this just has baby written all over it
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
