I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
