Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
