I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
