no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
