I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
