just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize