im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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