so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
