oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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