It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
