Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
