Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
