I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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