U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
