who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
