i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
