When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Pants are for mortals
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