You made me cry and you don't even care
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
