I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
