My room smells like vodka and shame
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize