too bad you live with your parents still
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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