I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
