This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize