Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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