I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
