so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
