You really coming over, don't trick.
farters have to be the big spoon...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
