It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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