No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
