so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
