Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
