In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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