my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
3pm strippers are depressing
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize