i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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