That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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