So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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