so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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