Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
