I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We are all done wearing pants today
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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