I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I will pee on everything he values.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
