Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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