I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
