he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
