It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
