so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize