I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Randomize
