There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
