I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
