I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
