"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
