I'm lost and stupid without you.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
