the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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