You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
